Top 30 Tips for Living with Roommates: Lessons Learned

If there is one thing I know, it’s roommates. I think at this point I’ve lived with almost 20 people throughout my life. In the most extreme of cases, I’ve shared the actual room. Thank you college dormitories for that traumatic experience. And in the best cases, I’ve made lifelong friends. I’ll admit that I’ve had some pretty horrific roommate/housemate experiences, but all in all, I think co-habiting with people has made me quite frankly a better, more tolerant, and more interesting person. I feel uniquely qualified to share my tips for living with roommates so that everyone is happy.

I do think that everyone should experience living with other people, other than family and spouse, at some point in their lives, even if it’s for a short period of time. I mean in this economy there are more reasons to do so than not. But it’s also a great way to meet people when you’re in a new city. How many amazing business ideas have come out of two people living together? And we can’t ignore the epic love stories, I’m looking at you Jess and Nick from New Girl.

I’m now about to move into a new apartment with a girl I’ve only met once. She seems great and the place itself is really nice. It’s in a great location, I have my own bathroom (huge win), and I overall feel really good about it. I’m hoping this will be the last place I share before I live alone (again). This upcoming move has made me reflect on the things that I’ve learned, the lessons I’ve had to face and the tips I have for others who too have to share with strangers and friends alike.

30 Tips for Living with Roommates

You don’t have to be friends with everyone you live with, but you do have to be friendly. There’s nothing worse than a hostile living environment, where you either ignore each other or worse, communicate through passive aggressiveness and/or direct conflict. Sometimes who you live with is out of your control, so you have to learn how to be friendly and genuinely nice even with people you wouldn’t outright choose to interact with.
First impressions aren’t reliable. Pay attention to the subtle details that tell you more about who they really are. I’ve had to learn the hard way, in fact, once again with my most recent living situation that people tend to sell themselves extra highly when you’re in that first roommate interview. I’ve probably done it too, I guess it’s natural. More than judging your first interaction by what they tell you or how much they smile, judge it by the subtleties. The lady I chose to live with for this past month was extremely nice to me and painted a great living situation. But what I ignored was the fact that she complained about her ex-husband and past residents for about 20 minutes. Hon, you’re the problem and I missed that.
Shared spaces must be clean. No exceptions. You can be a slob in your room (if it’s private) all you want, but shared spaces have to be respected by all roommates. I’ve seen how dirty kitchens, gross bathrooms, and messy living rooms have destroyed friendships and been the starting point of toxic living situations. I’m not talking about perfection either. I’m talking about basic hosing rules like cleaning the counters after you cook and ensuring the shower isn’t full of your hair once you get out. Invest in hiring a cleaning person who comes every other week. That’s a non-negotiable for me. But that doesn’t mean you have a free pass to completely neglect the space in between visits.
Small acts of kindness go a long way. Of course, this one is easier if you live with friends, but I encourage you to do little acts of kindness even with roommates who aren’t actual friends. It can be anything from getting them a cookie if you know they’re having a bad day. Inviting them to sit down at dinner if you have friends over. Getting them that weird milk at the grocery stores cause you noticed they were almost out. You get the picture. Humans like to feel that someone in the world cares and thinks about them. Living with strangers can feel very lonely sometimes and these little things make it feel you feel a tad bit less alone.
Noise-cancelling headphones are a godsend. I admit, I’m a little extra crazy about this so maybe others don’t want to punch a wall or cry when they hear loud music or TV through the wall (I have misophonia okay don’t judge me). However, I think we’ve all been in those situations where a loud roommate is making us lose sleep or affecting our workflow. I use Sony and they are amazing. I live in these.
Don’t hook up with someone you live with. Unless they’re literally moving out soon. I get it, it’s hot. The tension that builds, the random flirtation in the kitchen. You’ve seen them sweaty after the gym. They’ve seen in you with no makeup in an oversized t-shirt. It’s all fun and games until one of you catches feelings and you have to see the other person bring random people over. Not fun anymore. So unless this is a guaranteed, short fling that will end because one of you is already leaving, I’d say keep it at the fun flirtation stage.
Make a laundry schedule. My favorite thing that I’ve done is have a little magnetic whiteboard on the refrigerator so that you can mark when you plan on doing laundry that week. This is a bigger issue in Europe where dryers aren’t as common, so you need a couple of days between washes to dry clothes on a rack. But even if you do have a dryer, having a schedule can save you from conflict and better plan out your week.
Cleaning Sundays. Earlier I mentioned hiring a cleaning person to come every couple of weeks, or every week if your budget allows. However, everyone should still contribute to cleaning in between those occasions. The best way I’ve found is if you set a day where you say ok, everyone is gonna help clean on X day at X time. You play music, you divide tasks on the spot, and you make it efficient. That way you can see who is pulling their weight and who isn’t. And it’s easier to call people out if they don’t help.
If someone is an actual issue, don’t stay silent. And know when it’s simply not worth staying. While working on being more tolerant and patient is must when living with others, that doesn’t mean you should put up with shitty people. I’ve lived with alcoholics, complete pyschos, and people who have genuinely been horrible. If you feel like your boundaries are being crossed, and more so if you feel uncomfortable in your own home, speak up. It’s obviously easier if other roommates can team up to stand up to the asshole together, but if it’s just you, depending on the gravity of the situation, make sure you’re documenting things, letting any landlords know about the situation, and sharing your situation with loved ones. Sometimes leaving is honestly the best option. Life is too short to not feel like your home is you’re a safe, enjoyable space.
Be sympathetic. Be considerate. Be kind. If you have roommates, you’re mostly likely in your twenties, or early thirties. We’re all going through it. I know it’s easy to get wrapped up in your own world and that’s fine, just remember that having main character energy does mean you’re actually the main character. Be flexible when someone is having a hard time. Be considerate of how your actions affect others. And be human. Sometimes we all just need someone to vent to at the end of the day. Or someone who wishes us good luck before the big interview. Just be nice.
Be self-aware, would you want to live with you? Complaining about others is easy, but sometimes we have to look in the mirror. Would you put up with your dirty dishes, loud guests, or bad attitude? Probably not. Be the roommate you would want to live with.
Sharing food is never a good idea. Okay maybe sharing things like salt, olive oil, and such is okay but I would not recommend sharing beyond that. And even sharing shelf space is not ideal. Cleaning supplies are fine to share but get your own laundry and bathroom things!
Splitwise is the most important app you’ll ever download. Now that I’ve mentioned sharing, Splitwise truly saves lives. No one likes the person who texts the group chat asking for the $0.25 owed for dish soap. So, it’s better to add expenses as they go throughout the month. And at the end you clear balances as a house. This is also great for friend groups. I have six ongoing Splitwise groups and it’s made finances with friends so much better.
Pay bills on time. This one should go without saying. Being proactive about bills saves so much stress for everyone. Don’t be the person who has to be reminded to send rent money. Or worse, don’t be the person who was supposed to be the internet bill and forgets.
Your personal hygiene affects those around you. Again, your room can be gross. Preferably not, but sure. However, if you smell bad then we have an issue. The same goes for your stinky towel in the shared bathroom and your dirty shoes by the entrance. And if you have a roommate who is that person, you gotta have that conversation even it’s awkward as hell.
Speaking of smells, no one loves a strong, lingering smell of food they’re not eating. I’m not dissing on fragrant food. I mean some of the best cuisines in the world have a strong odor. I love cooking with garlic. I always suggest opening windows and closing off the cooking space (if possible).
Give yourselves breaks from each other every once in a while. I realize this is dependent on your personal circumstances and may not always be an option. I’ve found that as much as I’ve loved some of the people I’ve lived with, when they go on holiday/work trip/to a significant other’s place for a night or two, it feels like a treat to have the place to myself. And I’m sure they’ve felt the same when I’m away.
No one signed up for your significant other to be an additional roommate. The occasional sleepover is fine. Just don’t have them unofficially move in. Even worse if you share a bathroom with someone! All in all, be considerate. If everyone is cool with it, it’s fine. But my guess is that no one really likes a partner being over ALL THE TIME. And when/they are, remind them they’re a guest. They should be on their best behavior, period.
If a guest stays longer than 5 business days, you chip in extra for utility bills. First of all, your roommates should be okay with extended guests. Assuming everyone is on board, you should still be considerate and factor in that utility bills probably went up while they were there. Avoid tension and offer to pay extra for the month.
Find common activities to do together. Going back to point #1, you don’t have to be friends. But having shared activities every once in a while can add a lot to the roommate experience. Whether that’s a “roomie dinner” or a TV show you watch together every Sunday night, I find that shared experiences significantly improve your living arrangement. It makes it so that if there are any issues at any point, you feel more comfortable bringing it up. And if makes you feel like you live with people who care if you’re okay.
Communication, communication, communication. I honestly think as an adult communication is one of the most important skills you should develop. Learn how to voice opinions, requests, or even complaints in a way that is going to be received efficiently. Passive aggressive behavior suits no one. It’s okay to want to establish house rules. It’s okay to set boundaries. And it’s okay to call someone out when they’ve crossed them. But how you do it can make all the difference.
Be fair. Even if it means you get the short end of the stick. This one comes with maturity. It can apply to so many things from taking turns with the TV to stepping forward when you break something, and the landlord doesn’t give the deposit back. I think it’s about karma too. In that same vein, if your roommate is being unfair and unreasonable, you should stand up for yourself.
Bring back a little treat when you go on holiday. This one relates to the small gestures tip. If you travel out of town, bring back a little treat to chocolates or a bottle of wine for the house. People always appreciate it. And it’s nice to create that little tradition between roommates.
Living with someone who owns a well-behaved pet is ideal. It feels like having your cake and eating it too. You get to enjoy the highlights of living with a pet, especially if it’s a dog without the added responsibilities of taking care of it day to day. Definitely offer to help take care of it like the occasional walk or if your roommate goes away for the weekend. But everyone should be on the same page that your pet’s mess is your mess and therefore your responsibility.
Living with friends isn’t always a good idea. Now this hasn’t happened to me per say. In fact, I lived with my best friend and we’re still best friends years later, so it worked out. But I’ve seen it turn sour for other people so be cautious. I think making sure lifestyles, values, and communication styles have to be a match for friends to remain friends while living together. The best is when random roommates become close friends in my opinion!
Your neighbors can be extended roommates if you play your cards right. This is another ideal scenario situation. A few years ago, I lived alone in a small studio, but I became super close to my neighbors. This was during COVID times, so we were home all the time. I had my own space but would go over to their place all the time and reap the benefits of living with cool people. So, whether you live alone or not, be a friendly neighbor. If anything, it’s nice to feel comfortable asking for the odd favor from them if needed!
Leave your pride at the door. Not only when it comes to how you interact with others, but also keep in mind your roommates are the people who will likely see you at your worst. Learn how to be okay with that, otherwise, you’ll be miserable. They’ll see you sick, hungover, depressed, angry, all the things. When my acne was at its worst, I wouldn’t let anyone see me without makeup. Except for my roommate. I had to just accept that wearing makeup all day every day was not an option. Luckily, she made me feel comfortable with it, but even if she hadn’t, I would’ve had to accept it and move on.
Practice Energy Efficiency: Everyone loves a lower utility bill, and practising energy efficiency is a win-win for the wallet and the planet. Encourage things like turning off lights when not in use, using energy-saving settings on appliances, and maybe even opting for opening windows instead of AC. It’s a small change that can make a big difference in your shared living environment.
Establish Quiet Hours: Agree on quiet hours for weekdays if needed. This ensures that everyone has peaceful time for sleep, which is especially important if roommates have different schedules or work from home. I haven’t had to do this in every house, but it was super necessary on some occasions.
Start a Roomie Tradition: Whether it’s Sunday brunches, yearly Halloween parties, or a Sunday Grey’s Anatomy and wine nights (personal fav), starting a tradition that you all look forward to can create bonds and make shared living more enjoyable.

I’m by no means the perfect roommate, but I can say that I try to be considerate and mindful of others. Hopefully, my advice helps you have a peaceful roommate relationship. Comment your own lessons and tips you’ve learned.